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I have always been emotionally isolated. I never knew a true family from the beginning. I’ve never known unconditional love, the idea was always foreign and awkward. But, it’s only recent that I know I truly have it in me. I finally know how it feels to love someone unconditionally, after every perfect moment and every hardship. Even though it can be better it’s almost far more sweet than bitter. A genuine moment that I feel human.

But I will give you my best from here on out. 

Maybe it’s a sign I’ll move on. Maybe I can stop these childish dreams and hellish nightmares.

Worked in lab for twelve hours today. It was a good head start to the robot. I’m exhausted now…it’s nice, too exhausted to feel anything else. I just have to stay busy.

That feelings you get when your anxious, nervous, angry, and scared all at once. You know the feeling. The hair on your body erects and you can suddenly feel every thread on your clothing. Your breathe begins to shake like you’ve suddenly run out of air. Your heart beats faster but it’s not racing; no, it’s stuttering. You could feel the blood rushing in your veins, pumping. What where is your head? It’s not at a happy place but it’s trying.

A lot of people’s goals in life is to get a good paying job after college. When I tell people I’m studying to become an engineer they always mention some note of the money and typically think that’s what I want. I don’t even care about the money, I just liked this area of study a lot. My real goal is a family. A stable, genuine, happy family; like the one I never had growing up.